What's Dis?

Huh? Where am I? What's dis Interweb thing?

Why iz it so hard type wif dese mittens on? What does dis say, I cannot read.

Oh, hai. My name is Rebecca Marquis and I was born yesterday at 7:25 pm. I do not like to miss Jeopardy!, so I came out just in time.

I weigh 6 lbs and 10 ounces. I really like eating. My mommy and daddy are pretty cool people, but I'm not sure they know what hey are doing.

Ok, I'm bored and tired now. I go bak to seepin. Kiss me I'm cute. Luhzu all, bye bye!

We're Off To See The Wizard

I'll be spending the next three hours pacing, mumbling, double-checking and second-guessing. Then, around 7 o'clock, it's off to the hospital. When we return, if all goes as planned, we will be three.

Despite bringing the laptop to the hospital, I will not be live-blogging the birth. That's probably best for everyone.

I'll update this space as I can, most certainly with photographs. I'm not sure what will happen to this blog after I return home with an infant. Technically, the "nine month odyssey" is over, but another has just begun. Regardless, I'll be up at odd hours and will need an outlet.

Thanks for paying attention to my ramblings. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in my anxieties, beliefs, and peculiarities.

See you in a few days.

A Letter To My Daughter

Hey there kiddo, how ya doing? Within 48 hours you and I will meet face-to-face, and I gotta say, it’ll be among the best days of my life. I’ve spent the last nine months thinking about you, giving you a personality, and dreaming about you in my life. On Monday, you move from a concept – a lump in my wife’s belly – to a reality. I hope, when you read this, you’ll know that I tried my best.

See, we all grow up thinking our parents are more than they are. To a child, parents are providers and pacifiers. The cycle of the parent/child relationship goes like this – For a while, you won’t recognize us, but we’ll still care for you. Soon, you will recognize us, by face and voice, and we’ll still care for you. When you first call us by name, our hearts will melt, and we’ll rush to you. But at some point, and it might not be for a decade or so, your wonder in us will fade. We’ll just be your parents, a speed bump on your road to fun. But we’ll still love you.

Perhaps at some point, you’ll succumb to cliché and prattle on about how you didn’t ask to be born. Perhaps you’ll withdraw from us for a while and try to find yourself. Your introspection is a benefit, but it won’t be easy on us.

Look at me, going on like some kind of weathered expert. Truth is, kiddo, I don’t know shit about raising a child. I’ve read some books, watched some programs, talked to some people…but I won’t know what to do until you get here. And I may not be the most technically proficient parent. Your diapers may not always stay on, you might develop a rash, your clothes will certainly not match. But I’ll make up for it.

I’ve got something that cannot be replicated. I can tell you now, before you are born, that I will try my hardest to be the best parent I can be for you. Your mother and I – we love you more than you will know until you have a child of your own – we will always look out for your best interests.

I guess it’s a good thing that you won’t remember much of your infancy; we’ll still be feeling it out, ourselves.

Sleep tight, tonight, my unborn child. Tomorrow and Monday will be busy days. Your mother and I have done a thorough job of preparing for your arrival, but it won’t be perfect. All we ask is that you bear with us, and we promise to raise you the best way we can

Things My Child Will NOT See

Predictably, we've been watching a good deal of "Birth Day" lately. Over the weekend, we caught two episodes, Natural Birth and Home Birth - The Bradley Method, that featured a somewhat disturbing trend: siblings in the delivery room.

I'm not talking about adult, teenage, or even adolescent children assisting in delivery, I am talking about toddlers and elementary-school-age children, confused and frightened as their mother screams during contractions.

I should have thought about this when I was learning about Free Birth, but was too distracted by questions about linens. Far be it from me to criticize how someone handles their delivery, but in how is involving a four-year-old in childbirth a good idea?

In the episode I watched, a New Mexico woman had her son in her delivery room while she gave birth naturally, without any pain medicine. During the episode, this child tried to distract his mother by reading to her during contractions (cute), put his hand over his mother's mouth as she screamed during labor, had to be pulled away from his mother by his father during delivery, and watched in (I can only imagine) horror as his mother's perineum tore (this is an assumption, but it's my wife's best guess). The camera showed him turning away as his sibling's shoulder's were caught in his mother's pelvis and had to be gently twisted out of her vagina.

Like with my friends the Free Birthers, I can almost understand the mentality. I can almost buy that childbirth is a natural, beautiful process that should be shared with the whole family. I can almost see that perspective. Childbirth is a beautiful moment, adding a family member is special. But the act of childbirth is no place for, ironically, a child. Would these same people allow their four-year-olds to watch movies or television programs that contained the amount of blood, or pain, or screaming, or even nudity that often accompanies childbirth?

Again, I don't deny that the moment of childbirth isn't beautiful and special. I allow that delivering a new life into this world is seen as a miracle. I think that children should be fully aware and invested in their mother's pregnancy and their sibling's lives. I just really don't agree that it is appropriate for a child to be in the delivery room.

And to those people that believe otherwise, more power to you. But I ask you this, if having your child present during their sibling's birth is so important to you, where were they during the conception?

This Is Not My Baby

...but it doesn't mean she's any less cute.

This is actually my friends' baby. If you know, have met, or ever heard of my friend Chris, aka "Doc," this is his third daughter, Sophia Rachael. Sophie was born at 12:21 am on August 4. Despite being born nearly a month early, Sophie checked in at a healthy 7 lbs 3 oz and 19 1/2 inches.

Chris' wife and mine shared the same due date. Chris' wife was, like mine will be, induced. Chris' wife endured 31 hours in the hospital after the first doses of Pitocin before little Sophie decided to come out. Those numbers frighten me and my wife, but how can you stay upset when looking at a cute little face like that?

Congratulations to my friends on the new addition to their family. Chris now shares a home with his wife and three daughters who, in 2021, will be 18, 16, and 14. May God have mercy on his soul.

Freebirth Kind of Weirds Me Out

The front page of today's Washington post has a large feature story called "Do-It-Yourself Delivery." The story details the experiences of a few women who advocate "freebirth," which is to say, having a baby at home, largely unattended by any licensed medical professional.

My knee-jerk reaction to the story, after realizing that as the father, *I'd* be responsible for cleaning up the mess, was outright dismissal of these women. I lumped them in with the Diaper Free Baby people in the corner of my mind.

But after reading the article, and following the subsequent chat on the Washington Post's Web site, I can't sit here and continue to condemn these people. That isn't to say that I agree with them or that I their ideas intrigue me and I'd like to subscribe to their newsletter. It's just to say that I don't think I can throw up a couple thousand words decrying them.

One of the central beliefs of freebirth advocates is that childbirth is a natural process and does not need the intervention of doctors, medicines, or technology. Given that children were born naturally for thousands of years before the first OB/GYN shop opened up in Babylon, there's a nugget of truth in that. This natural process argument loses me when support by phrases like "brings us closer as a family." I don't particularly believe that.

Freebirth advocates also point to the large amounts of research and planning that go into a natural home delivery. They say that women (and men) who are preparing for a freebirth are more knowledgeable than many other expectant couples. To which I reply, "duh."

Like I said above, I can't out-and-out condemn freebirth advocates, particularly when the medical community has such disparate opinions relating to things like vaginal vs. C-section delivery. But there is no way I would want my child to be born this way. There are going to be risks associated with childbirth until the end of time. Having a baby born in a hospital has its own set of risks from human error to mechanical failure. But 10 times out of 10 (though I'm really shooting for just two times out of two), I'd want my wife - and child - in that hospital bed.

UPDATE: The two women participating in the freebirth discussion on the Washington Post's' Web site did not answer my question. So, if you are a freebirth advocate, I really want to know the following:
1. Are there any special sheets or linens used in freebirth?
2. Do you throw the linens and sheets away or do you wash and reuse them?
3. Who cleans up the birth area?
4. What becomes of the placenta?