I Used to be Smart

They say that men have two brains, one in their head the other in their pants. The common joke is that men only have enough blood to use one of those brains at a time. I think parenthood has given me a parallel to that.

You see, I used to be smart. Just one week ago, I was rattling off answers on Jeopardy! telecasts, could concentrate on a thought to completion, even carry on meaningful conversations. What has happened since? I can't really do any of those things.

Parenthood isn't rocket science, but it does take a fair amount of brain power and equal parts common sense, perseverance and patience. You can read, watch television programs, and interrogate other parents as much as you want, but nothing can prepare you for the real thing. Being a parent has taken most of my concentration lately and, when mixed with a sleep-deprived schedule that would make an Abu-Ghraib official shudder, it has left me unable to do much else.

Since Rebecca was born, I have learned the optimal way to feed her, bathe her, change her, hold her and clothe her. This has come at the expense of the remainder of my intellect. You see, while I've become adept at parenting skills, I have lost the command of other basic skills and sense.

Two days ago, I boiled water to sterilize some pacifiers and bottles. Twenty minutes later, I walked into the kitchen, oblivious to the pot of water, nearly boiling over, without anything else inside. Our lactation consultant, so instrumental in helping Rebecca eat properly, generously gives out her home phone number to new parents. She is often the most essential early presence in a child's life, but after five-ten days, she isn't necessary. After giving us the basics on feeding, she regretfully had to pass us along to another nurse. She was leaving the country on vacation, that morning, for more than two weeks. I asked her for her home phone number, in case we needed it while she was away.

I had a third example (three is a trend, you know), and a fourth. But now, I cannot remember them. I can't have more than a basic conversation - enough to complete a transaction at the supermarket, but not really able to go into any detail about my life without losing my train of thought.

I used to get in trouble when the blood from my brain rushed out of my head and to my other brain. That got me where I am today.

Now, it takes all the brain power I've got to maintain focus as a parent, learning as I go, to keep my baby happy and healthy. But it comes at the expense of the rest of my life. I'm happy to talk to you about being a parent, just don't ask me about anything else.