It's the Final Countdown!

This is a very "is it the beginning of the end or the end of the beginning type of post."

Went to a baseball game last night with a friend of mine (my last three evenings have been spent at two games and a fantasy football draft, btw), and I commented, "this is my last night out without a kid. Tomorrow, that's our last night hosting our friends, and Saturday, that's our last night together."

I've been focusing a bit on "the is the last" as the baby countdown drops lower. I think it's only natural - it's a way of marking milestones as the due date approaches. But I don't want to come across like I'm lamenting anything.

I started writing here in late December, mainly because I was freaking out, believed I had a few earth-shattering thoughts, and can never read my own writing in a journal. Back then, there were times when I really thought my life, as I knew it, was going to end. It was a tough mental transition.

Since then, I've calmed significantly. General freaking out has given way to typical parental anxiety (how will we afford college/will I drop her)...you know, the much more "normal" things to worry about.

My main concern now is keeping all the relationships in my family strong and healthy. You hear couples getting married say things like "now two become one." For me, that's a lot easier to manage than "two become three." The next few weeks and months of my life will be consumed by this new person, this new dynamic in my family. I imagine that I'll have minor freakouts about the adjustment of going from "couple" to "family." But I am trying to keep the longview in mind. The family relationship is important - but shouldn't override or seek to replace the relationship I have with my wife, that I have with my daughter, that my wife has with my daughter, that I have with my television.

I guess what I'm realizing - and what I'm trying to say - is that there isn't a balance just between work and home, but also within the home. My daughter will grow up in a loving home, but I also want her to have a loving relationship with each parent - independent of the other - and see the loving relationship between her parents. It is important that I embarrass my daughter by publicly loving my wife.

I think we can make it happen. I got mad love to give.
For real.