An Important Message To My Wife

Dear Lovely Wife,

The free-wheeling codeine abuse will have to stop if you plan on breastfeeding. This is serious news. Apparently, the article states, codeine is in *everything* - cough syrup, pain killers, Cheerios, you name it - that is part of a healthy new mother's diet. I did my own research during lunch and have determined that you had best avoid ingesting the following while breastfeeding:

• Methamphetamines
• Poison Ivy
• Quaaludes
• The Japanese fugu fish
• Rubber Cement
• Other babies
• USDA Beef - Grades B-D
• Turducken (well, just the Tur and the -en parts)
• Paper made from more than 20% recycled materials
• Grass clippings
• Unwrapped afterdinner mints
• Crack