Tiger's Cub, An Indecent Proposal Thwarted
I had this post’s outline already complete in my head. It was going to be brilliant. It was going to be self-promoting. It was going to be the first time I blatantly sold out my daughter for personal and (hopefully) financial gain. Then, it all came crashing down.
You see, Tiger Woods became a father on Monday. First of all, congratulations to the happy couple and Tiger, welcome to the Varsity Dad club. I hope that you have as strong a relationship with your child as you so clearly do with your mother and your late father.
After dispensing with the pleasantries in an open letter to Tiger and Elin, I would get to the heart of my correspondence. My daughter will be born in August and, after listing numerous reasons why, I was set to offer her hand in matrimony to Tiger and Elin’s newborn, Sam. Yes, I know it’s a bit early and that arranged marriages aren’t in vogue in the United States, but like bell bottoms and rotary phone ringtones, everything comes back in style at some point.
I have a good list of reasons, some serious, some funny, some absurd. And I was ready to send off my note of congratulations, along with my “sales pitch”, to the happy couple until I re-read the news item. Apparently, if Lefty and Sam marry, it will only be in Massachusetts. Sam Woods is a girl. Sam Alexis Woods, to be proper. Sam. Short for…Sam.
Now, I have nothing against the name Sam (What’s up, Sammy C?), nor do I have anything against the name Samantha. But when you start crossing common gender lines with names, it begins to bother me a bit. My wife and I recently had a discussion on this topic regarding one of our potential baby names. We liked the “shortened” form of this name, which would then be a traditional boy’s name. We ultimately ditched that name, but I was reminded of that conversation when hearing the news of Tiger’s baby.
I’m not surprised that Tiger pulled something like this, I mean, his given name is Eldrick, for goodness sakes. It might be tough for little Sam - many kids will get teased for having unusual names, and I’m sure Sam Woods will be no different. Granted, many kids don't have a mother who a Swedish model and a father is richer than chocolate soufflé, but still.
You see, Tiger Woods became a father on Monday. First of all, congratulations to the happy couple and Tiger, welcome to the Varsity Dad club. I hope that you have as strong a relationship with your child as you so clearly do with your mother and your late father.
After dispensing with the pleasantries in an open letter to Tiger and Elin, I would get to the heart of my correspondence. My daughter will be born in August and, after listing numerous reasons why, I was set to offer her hand in matrimony to Tiger and Elin’s newborn, Sam. Yes, I know it’s a bit early and that arranged marriages aren’t in vogue in the United States, but like bell bottoms and rotary phone ringtones, everything comes back in style at some point.
I have a good list of reasons, some serious, some funny, some absurd. And I was ready to send off my note of congratulations, along with my “sales pitch”, to the happy couple until I re-read the news item. Apparently, if Lefty and Sam marry, it will only be in Massachusetts. Sam Woods is a girl. Sam Alexis Woods, to be proper. Sam. Short for…Sam.
Now, I have nothing against the name Sam (What’s up, Sammy C?), nor do I have anything against the name Samantha. But when you start crossing common gender lines with names, it begins to bother me a bit. My wife and I recently had a discussion on this topic regarding one of our potential baby names. We liked the “shortened” form of this name, which would then be a traditional boy’s name. We ultimately ditched that name, but I was reminded of that conversation when hearing the news of Tiger’s baby.
I’m not surprised that Tiger pulled something like this, I mean, his given name is Eldrick, for goodness sakes. It might be tough for little Sam - many kids will get teased for having unusual names, and I’m sure Sam Woods will be no different. Granted, many kids don't have a mother who a Swedish model and a father is richer than chocolate soufflé, but still.
I just wish I knew all of this before I started poring over my assets for the dowry.
Labels: baby names, Celebrity Fathers, lefty
Delivered by SteveJeltzFan. Born on 6/20/2007 10:19:00 AM PERMALINK
2 Comments:
Come on, you know Lefty will totally pwn Sam on the LPGA tour. You just have to start her practicing ... now-ish.
Thanks for the shout-out!
Growing up, my younger sister's best friend was named Samantha, but went by the name Sam. Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to respond to someone calling your name, in your own house, and be consistently told they weren't speaking to you... :)
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