Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Bringing Home Baby

Being the uber-hip, environmentally conscious, city-dwelling DINKs that we are, my wife and I currently do not own a car. Actually, none of the above is true exacept for the last part. You see, when we lived in the heart of Washington, DC, we did own a car. First, we owned an awesome lavender pimpmobile, a hand-me-down from my nonagenarian grandfather. After that novelty wore off, we wised up and bought a more practical Honda Accord. We were paying, in our own apartment building, the same amount for monthly parking that we pay currently for property taxes.

When we moved from Washington, DC to the immediate suburbs, we naturally sold our car. It seems counterintuitive, but my wife and I both worked near a Metro stop (and I eventually changed jobs to somewhere walkable). Not having a car has some drawbacks, like having to plan ahead to buy watermelon or 24-packs of paper towels, but we accumulated a nice monthly savings in the process.

More than a year after we first moved to our current neighborhood, we still do not have a car. And, even with a baby on the way, we don’t have any foreseeable plans to purchase one anytime soon. Now, both my wife and I are fairly logical people. We understand that soon enough we will likely have to get a car for practical purposes, but we don’t have much need for that kind of expense right now.

Which is all well and good, as saving money and being “green” is from time to time, except for one thing: getting Lefty home from the hospital. As a rule, new parents cannot escort a newborn home from the hospital without a properly-installed car seat. I wonder what our hospital’s policy is on even having a car at all?

I recently established that even traveling to the hospital by car is not without its own pitfalls, so let's break down the pros and cons of some of the alternative methods of transportation for getting Lefty home safe and sound.

Metrobus
Pros: Hey, we live on a bus line, the hospital is on a bus line, it costs just $1.35/person, newborns and transfers are free; plenty of other passengers to help watch, hold, or change baby
Cons: Hard to pull "stop requested" cord with hands full of baby; jerky breaks not good for people without fully-fused skulls; keep getting in accidents.

Walking
Pros: Teaches my child the importance of self-reliance and physical fitness at a young age, relatively safe and leisurely, quality bonding time
Cons: Walking five miles? In August? With a newborn? And a wife who just gave birth? No one thinks this is a good idea (though honey, if you are reading this, were we delivering at Suburban, we'd totally be walking home).

The In-Laws
Pros: They will be there, most likely at the hospital, during or around the time of delivery; no cost; Volvos are the safest car known to mankind
Cons: Has a certain "I'll pick you and your date up at the dance precisely at 10 pm" quality that I just can't shake

Taxi
Pros: All the benefits of driving, but with someone else at the wheel
Cons: I'm not going to trust a stranger to hold my baby, let alone drive her around; the complicated DC Taxi Zone fare system does not account for newborns

Renting a Car
Pros: Being induced means know when and for how long to reserve a car; no need to clean up any "oopsies" on the way home.
Cons: All that time, paying for a car, while it sits unused in the parking lot does not sit well with this cheap bastard; Daddy would be driving and, to quote Ben Stone in Knocked Up, "They can honk all they want, but I'm not driving faster than 12 the whole way home."

Though I read them religously, I don't usually solicit comments in this space. Today, I am making an exception. What other methods of transportation have I missed? Should I register for Baby's First Segway? Look into renting a few camels for the day? See if our parking lot can be converted into a makeshift helipad? Or do I just tuck Lefty into the crook of my arm like a football and make a run for it?

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6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi E. It's L. Check out amazon.com for bulk toilet paper, paper towels, and other major grocery items with great prices. And don't forget the case of mac-n-cheese. Living in the country, it's like having Costco delivered to our front door, which is actually our back door and I've not figured out just why yet. Regardless, I would imagine it would have a similar euphoric effect on the not-with-car set as well.
Still loving the blog,
MommaBear

6/13/2007 2:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forgot the best option of them all: bribing the good folks at the local rescue squad to shuttle you around in their ambulance like it is your own personal limo.

6/13/2007 3:48 PM  
Blogger SteveJeltzFan said...

You forgot the best option of them all: bribing the good folks at the local rescue squad to shuttle you around in their ambulance like it is your own personal limo.

The rescue squad across the street, of course! God bless volunteer squads that don't send bills - even for the most frivolous of calls.

6/13/2007 4:08 PM  
Blogger mamacita said...

I've got one word for you, my boy: germs. I'm not ordinarily a germphobe, but the thought of a newborn on the bus or in a cab gives me the willies. Suck it up and get a ride with the 'rents. It's time to get used to having no pride, anyway.

6/13/2007 5:03 PM  
Blogger Bill Fulton said...

Seems to me like you ought to be able to specify a sitting-in-the-parking-lot rental car as one of the birth gifts your baby needs. Can you register with Avis?

6/17/2007 2:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I meant to suggest this when I saw you this weekend, but I was afraid you might kill me by the time you weren't swamped with adoring females. (LOOK, I'M SORRY, SOMEONE HAD TO.)

What about getting a Zipcar or Flexcar account? Flexcar, specifically, is $8 per hour or $63 per day, with an annual membership fee of $35/year. It would solve this particular problem and would allow you guys to have a car at your disposal if you needed one for larger grocery trips (diapers are bulky, yo) or if you needed to get somewhere and didn't want to deal with the Metro with an infant.

Just a thought.

6/26/2007 1:19 AM  

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