How To Properly Trash-Talk a Baby

Congratulations to blogger, basketball player, and all-around lovable scamp Gilbert Arenas. The Washington Wizard's second child, Alijah Amani Arenas, was born this week in Walnut Creek, California. In true Gilbert style, he has already laid down some smack to his infant son.

I’m very excited...I was talking a little trash to him already. I told him
hopefully he darkens up a little bit, because he was a little light in the skin.
Then I told him he needs to watch the movie 300, because he needs to be a
Spartan type of man.

While it's not unusual for a new father to impart his wisdom, hopes, and dreams softly into a newborn's ear, Gilbert's trash talk takes it to a whole new level. Maybe this will become the new trend in parenting - encouraging development through heckling.

• "You call that a cry for attention? I've heard elderly sheep that make more noise!"
• "What's the matter? You want something? Well, you better go get it yourself. What's that? You can't walk? Can't even crawl? Sucks to be you."
• "Finish that bottle...Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!"
• "You got so much baby fat, we don't have baby pictures, we got baby murals!"
• "Your momma...." Well, on second thought, maybe I should lay off the baby momma jokes

Many kudos to you, Gilbert, on the new arrival. Kudos, also, for being at the birth in person. I'm not sure what you would have done had the Wizards not been on a West Coast road trip, but that point is moot. One question, though. Why do you want your son to be a "Spartan type of man"? I always thought you'd want more of a Wildcat.