Can Baby Say, "Poor Clock Management Ruins Pre-Game Preparation?"

I try not to discuss sports in great depth with my wife. She has two things working for her that make sports conversation challenging: an absolute ignorance of even the most basic rules of sports, and an unbelievable intelligence and sense of logic.

Explaining not just the rules, but the strategies of sports becomes a mental exercise.

"So that team has four tries to go ten yards?"
"They are called downs, but yes."
"So why do they just try three times and give up?"
"Well, punting gives the team better field position when they are on defense."
"That's stupid, they should just go for it, they are wasting 25% of their chances."
"Actually, it's funny you say that. A professor actually has been analyzing NFL coaches and their tendencies to go for it on fourth down and found that coaches should be more daring on fourth down. It will lead to greater rewards, statistically speaking."
"Hey, is The Fridge still playing?"

The conversation gets interesting when I try to explain my allegiances. There's not much explanation, really. I root for teams from Philadelphia, where I grew up for 18 years, and the University of Maryland, my alma mater. I have an interest in other teams, but feel no passion for them.

I haven't lived in Philadelphia for over a decade and currently live in a city with four professional sports teams. Yet I have never - and claim I will never - root for any of them. I'm even a season ticket holder for one team and openly root against them.

My love of Philadelphia sports was born of geography and nurtured by my father. But he was a Philadelphia transplant, moving to that city at roughly the same age I moved out on my own. He was from an area with no professional sports teams, and grew up in the "Game of the Week" era, so his allegiances weren't set until he settled down.

This is basically a long-winded introduction to me asking the eternal question: How can I steer my child to root for the teams I root for?

My child could convert to a different religion or decide that pyramid schemes are a good career choice and I wouldn't mind. But if my child declares him or herself a Redskins fan, I might not be able to take it.

Ah, but hope is on the way!

I learned today of a new company out there, Team Baby Entertainment, which creates and markets team-specific videos to young children. They've even lined up some big names to narrate the videos: Ben Affleck, Bob Costas, Regis Philbin, and more. What better way to ensure my child roots for the teams of my choice than infant propaganda?

While no video exists for any Philadelphia sports teams or the University of Maryland yet, I remain hopeful. I'm sure Ed Rendell or Sly Stallone would be up for the gig. And for my beloved Terps? How about this proud alum?

Really, infancy is the perfect time to begin watching sports. An infants fascination with movement and color will really allow the child to see patterns in intricate NFL defenses or identify when the third-base coach called for a hit-and-run. Most importantly, if you are a Philadelphia sports fan, you are also adept at crying.