Top Ten Responses When Asked “When Is Your Wife Due?”
I get the question often, from new acquaintances and friends with bad memories, "When is your wife due?" Since it's getting harder and harder to answer the question with a straight face and my Nine Month Odyssey t-shirts haven't arrived...with a million apologies to David Letterman....
Top Ten Responses When Asked “When Is Your Wife Due?”
10. Why should I care, it’s not mine?
9. When her belly button pops, it means the baby’s done
8. I don’t know. She takes Metro every day. It starts, it stops, it bumps and jostles, and stutters…and still, no baby!
7. The vet says we should expect a litter by September. Wanna help me lay down newspaper?
6. Not much, mostly just lies there and eats popsicles. Oh, you said, "when's she due?"
5. Hopefully not until after the sumo tournament
4. She’s not pregnant
3. She’s not a library book! (actual answer, given by three-year old SteveJeltzFan, when asked when his pregnant mother was due, circa 1981).
2. Don’t know, don’t care. I just need a fresh Social Security Number. You know, for security.
And the number one response to “When Is Your Wife Due?”
1. About five minutes before the afterbirth!
Top Ten Responses When Asked “When Is Your Wife Due?”
10. Why should I care, it’s not mine?
9. When her belly button pops, it means the baby’s done
8. I don’t know. She takes Metro every day. It starts, it stops, it bumps and jostles, and stutters…and still, no baby!
7. The vet says we should expect a litter by September. Wanna help me lay down newspaper?
6. Not much, mostly just lies there and eats popsicles. Oh, you said, "when's she due?"
5. Hopefully not until after the sumo tournament
4. She’s not pregnant
3. She’s not a library book! (actual answer, given by three-year old SteveJeltzFan, when asked when his pregnant mother was due, circa 1981).
2. Don’t know, don’t care. I just need a fresh Social Security Number. You know, for security.
And the number one response to “When Is Your Wife Due?”
1. About five minutes before the afterbirth!
Labels: August 20, due date, Seriously - stop asking
Delivered by SteveJeltzFan. Born on 7/09/2007 02:32:00 PM PERMALINK
2 Comments:
Been reading this blog for quite some time, but never commented. Great idea you've got going here.
You laugh - but number six has actually happened to me. Twice. I swear I heard, "What does your wife do?" and answered it without pausing to consider the total lack of relevance to the situation at hand. Hey, no big deal - there are just two more people in the world who know where she works.
I've actually become quite adept at shrugging it off and saying, "Oh - July 15."
(Side note: wish me luck - we're going in for a C-section in about five hours.)
Number six was born of reality for me, I responded "an attorney" last time I was asked when my wife was due. I got it the other way, too, when I asked a fellow expectant father, and he said, "She's already off from work, doctor's orders."
Best of luck, OMDQ and Mrs. OMDQ.
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